


Loves Me Like I'm Brand New

by wesawbears



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Episode: s04e09 The Olive Branch, discussion of slutshaming, relationships take work, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29928492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: After David's olive branch, David and Patrick still have a lot to talk about, both with Rachel and with David's insecurities. They talk it out and come out of it stronger.--But spending that week apart made him realize that, for the first time in his life, he needed to have an adult conversation about feelings and relationships. He already wanted to crawl out of his skin at the thought, but he couldn’t do this if he didn’t have a sense that Patrick wasn’t about to skip town and leave him in its wake. Which, okay, he had also done his fair share of, but this wasn’t like those other times. For starters, there was no fire escape to crawl down.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 7
Kudos: 150





	Loves Me Like I'm Brand New

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Schitt's Creek fic, so be gentle! Also, for the record, the things David thinks about himself are NOT representative of how anyone should feel about themselves re: slutshaming. He's just working through some complicated feelings about his past. That said, be mindful of those kinds of conversations are sensitive topics for you.
> 
> Enjoy!

After his olive branch (which he refuses to be embarrassed about, mostly because the kiss Patrick laid on him after was worth every second), they do get the dinner Patrick was talking about, and David feels like he can breathe for the first time in a week. Which, thank God, or David would have had to try his hand at hitchhiking to New York again, because a week apart has only served to show him that Schitt’s Creek would never be neutral ground ever again. Every space in this town, from the motel, to the cafe, and especially the store, was a symbol of how many roots he’d already put down with Patrick. Four short months and he had let himself settle into this. And it was good, it was stable.

But spending that week apart made him realize that, for the first time in his life, he needed to have an adult conversation about feelings and relationships. He already wanted to crawl out of his skin at the thought, but he couldn’t do this if he didn’t have a sense that Patrick wasn’t about to skip town and leave him in its wake. Which, okay, he had also done his fair share of, but this wasn’t like those other times. For starters, there was no fire escape to crawl down.

They end up driving around after dinner, neither of them wanting to break the peace they’ve refound, but also knowing that Ray’s and the motel both weren’t the place for this conversation. Patrick parks the car a few blocks away from the motel, in a lot that they’ve used many, many times to make out in. He feels his lips quirk up a little at those fond memories. 

Patrick cuts the engine and they turn to look at each other, Patrick’s palm up in an invitation that David accepts, squeezing lightly.

“So, Rachel-” he says, at the same time that Patrick says, “David, I-”

“You first,” David says, squeezing his hand again encouragingly.

“I should have told you,” he starts. David feels the urge to make some kind of acknowledging noise, but he also knows that if he interrupts, whatever momentum Patrick has built up in his mind is likely to crumble, so he keeps quiet as Patrick continues.

“I...I made those comments about your exes, knowing that I wasn’t being honest with you. It was wrong and it hurt you. I was just…” he laughs a little. “God, I had a whole speech ready, but I just look at you and it’s all gone.”

The image of Patrick standing in his little room, practicing what he wants to say to David, like it...like it matters is enough to make his heart constrict, but he also knows that this speech is as much about Patrick as it is about him, so he nods and pushes down his initial comments. “Then don’t give me a speech. Just...talk to me. I’ve heard plenty of speeches. Trust me, my mother has used me as a mock audience more times that I feel comfortable admitting.”

Patrick laughs a little at that and lets some of the tension leave his shoulders. “Yeah...okay. Um…” he sighs. “I was...so unhappy before I came here. And that feels so, so stupid, because I had such a good life. I just...I guess I didn’t even know I was unhappy, at first. I thought it was just what being an adult felt like. Until I woke up one morning and just...thought, “God, is this it?” Like, was this really what the rest of my life was supposed to feel like?”

“Mmhmm, yes, I can...access that feeling.” He can. He remembers waking up one morning after a particularly bad bender and wondering if he was broken, if every other person in the world just...understood how the world worked and he was just expecting too much. The idea of Patrick laying in his bed in another town, feeling the same way is weirdly as comforting as it is heartbreaking.

“I didn’t really know what it was? Because it wasn’t just Rachel, it was...everything. But, um, you asked about Rachel. So. We...fought a lot. It was always...games, and making each other jealous, and picking fights just to make up. Pretending that feeling was...love, I guess. And I did care about her! I think that’s what made it so hard. When we stopped trying so hard and just...hung out. It was good. It was whenever we tried to take it beyond that when things fell apart.” He runs his hand over his face. “I just...I felt like I was suffocating. Like, I was in a room that every day got a little bit smaller, until I just woke up one day and couldn’t move at all.”

“So you left.”

“So I left. And I don’t regret it. Coming here, the store...meeting you. David, it was the best decision of my life.”

David has never dreaded an inevitable conjunction more in his life. “But?”

“But I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I should have told her. I uprooted her whole life. She is being wildly understanding about everything, but...I burned a lot of bridges.”

“So, are you saying that...you’re unburning those bridges?”

Patrick smirks a little. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s how bridges work, David.”

“So you’re building a new bridge then.”

“Yeah, I...I guess so. But a very different bridge. Sturdier frame. Not made out of driftwood...is this metaphor working?”

“I think so? And...I hope...that...bridge...and you can be friends again. Genuinely.”

“I do too. In time. But, David, I need you to know that me and Rachel, me running out was an anomaly, not a pattern. I don’t expect you to believe me today, but I promise that I am going to do everything I can to prove that your trust in me is deserved. I...never want you to look at me the way you did in that motel room ever again. I couldn’t bear it, if I hurt you that way.”

David feels prick at the edges of his eyes and flicks them away hastily. Patrick’s face drops a little as he realizes.

“And now I’ve made you cry…”

David shakes his head emphatically. “No! These are not...sad tears. These are...I am glad. That you told me and that you are not leaving. I just...meant it when I said that I hadn’t been with anyone who I cared about. So…”

“I mean, I was worried about the inevitable reemergence of the birthday clown.”

“You laugh, but he could come back.”

Patrick laughs and settles back in the seat. The hand not holding David’s drums a little against his leg though, so David knows something else is on his mind. “Speaking of the birthday clown…”

“No, he did not wear any implements of the costume during sex.”

“...not what I was gonna ask, but noted. I was actually going to say that I had a question about something you said.”

“I say a lot of things.”

“Back at the motel.”

David wracks his brain. He really does say a lot of things. He thinks he knows where Patrick is going with this, though. “I’m not great at guessing games, so if we could just move this along by you telling me?”

“You said you were damaged goods.”

“I did.”

“Can you…” Patrick swallows. “Can you tell me what you meant by that?”

David works to look anywhere except at Patrick as he contemplates what to say. It’s difficult to put him at a loss for words, but the idea of telling Patrick, who had one longstanding girlfriend his whole life, who remembers David’s coffee order, who looks at David like he’s worth something, about all the ways David has been used, the ways he’s let himself be treated, all for scraps of attention, is so completely humiliating he doesn’t know how to stand it.

“I, um, meant that um...you know the metaphor they use in school about the piece of gum?”

Patrick nods and raises an eyebrow. “That bit about how no one wants to chew gum that someone else has chewed?”

“Yes. And, it’s a horrible metaphor that slut shames people and it’s worthless garbage that I hate.”

“But you...feel like the gum?”

“It’s more like...I’m worried that you are going to wake up and realize that I’m the gum.”

Patrick’s eyes widen. “David, I don’t care about how many people you’ve slept with-”

David puts a finger on his lips. “I know that. And it’s not like...there is nothing wrong with sleeping around. It’s more that...I have never been good at telling people my boundaries. Or asking to be treated with respect. And you are the first person who’s cared enough to ask. So that just makes me wonder how you can respect someone who...hasn’t always respected himself.”

Patrick thinks for long enough that David is worried that he just sabotaged himself again, and that Patrick is about to realize that David’s right, and that someone with his particular cocktail of issues is too much work and leave David to walk home. 

Instead, he lifts David’s hand to his lips and kisses his knuckle, right over one of his rings. “David. I don’t care who you were before Schitt’s Creek, if you don’t care who I was. I’m not saying that our pasts don’t affect who we are now, or our relationship, and I think we both could do with more honesty moving forward, but...for what it’s worth, I think you are the strongest person I’ve ever met, and I respect you. For being yourself, and being patient with me. And I don’t want to speak for you, but I think you have come a long way from the person you were to who you are now. And I hope that you would feel safe enough to tell me if I cross a boundary.”

“I always feel safe with you.”

Patrick smiles. “Thank you. For trusting me David.”

_Thank you for trusting me too,_ is what David doesn’t say aloud. Instead, he leans forward and kisses Patrick, ignoring the awkward angle and savoring the way Patrick felt solid and lovely against him.

It’s not everything, but it’s enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! You can find me on tumblr @ wesawbears


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